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A Christmas Carol - some quotes

2010-01-18T13:03:00.001-08:00

It is required of every man,that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared, and turned to happiness! In life, my spirit never walked beyond our counting house.

You always were a good man of business.

Business! Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!

I wear the chain I forged in life,I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you? Or would you know, the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was as full as heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You have labored on it, since. It is a ponderous chain!

"I wanted financial independence, for both of us, which I have achieved.
You have told me what you have gained, now I will show you what you have lost."

"How happy they all seem; happy in eachother's company I mean"

"Old Fezziwig, he has the power to render us happy or unhappy; to make our service light or burdensome; a pleasure or a toil. Say that his power lies in words and looks; in things so slight and insignificant that it is impossible to add and count 'em up: what then? The happiness he gives, is quite as great as if it cost a fortune."

Checked Out Rachel Thurston's blog

2009-08-03T15:24:00.000-07:00

I stole a piece of her photography to show it off here. Isn't this beautiful?

Here's a link to her blog.

Don't believe me?

2009-07-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

Click on this link about teaching Perfect Pitch

My mom wants me to have babies =)

2009-07-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

But Harry's sleeping with another woman =(

Click to view

Ten Reasons I Can't Get To Sleep

2009-07-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

1. I hate sleeping alone, mostly always have. Probably stems from sharing a room with my three sisters growing up.

2. I drank kind-of-a-lot of Dr. Pepper before I went to bed tonight.

3. My "library quiet" A/C unit still makes white noise.

4. There's just so much to think about.

5. Too hot/too cold/too many covers/not enough covers.

6. No pajamas that are just right.

7. I already exhausted the low-effort options of soothing myself to sleep with an IPOD.

8. Ate dinner too late.

9. There's just so much stuff to look forward to and plan.

10. There are so many pictures on facebook.

2009-07-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

Oh what a day =) I was tired all day and I come home to go to sleep and now I'm just so awake. No worries though, I suppose it's fun to be writing on my blog. Reminds me of being home somehow. Home in the sense that home is a place where you sit and do the kinds of things you do when you have nowhere else to be, like blogging. I have a super sweet new a/c unit in my room. Laidily spent about a thousand bucks on it. But it makes a huge difference since I live in the hot attic. Summer has been a LOT nicer than last year. Last year I thought I'd never be able to stand another Baltimore summer. As I write, I'm in bed. I'm using the new and my first laptop ever. It was given to me by my housemate, Erik. I like him. He's so easy to be around. Now I AM a bit sleepy. Think I'll stick in my fake-diamond-stud earbuds and listen to some Chronicles of Narnia as I drift off to what is hopefully a peaceful and gleeful wonderland =) g'night.

All I or Anyone Needs to Know

2008-09-23T15:49:00.001-07:00

My computer has told me that I am Dell.

I'm warm, sensitive, loyal, compassionate and in tune with the needs and wants of everyone around me. When I care, I really care... Everyone loves my sweet demeanor, even if they sometimes take advantage of my kindness. However, just because I initially seem like the greatest puppy dog in the world, doesn't mean that I wont bare my teeth and bite back when necessary (even if it takes A LOT of provocation).

Now I know who I am and I can move forward with increased confidence. Thank you computer.

2008-01-27T16:44:00.001-08:00

As far as tagging goes? I don't usually fill these out, but for you guys? Shoot.

Tag: Your Favorite

First, I'm not in to favorites. They are made up. Someone told me to pick a favorite so I did but I didn't have one before.

book:East of Eden (John Steinbeck)

movie: Big Fish? Narnia, Finding Neverland, magical films seem to be a pattern someone helped me discover =), I like to be filled with wonder.

color: black

TV Show: House, although I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't like the treatment of women in this show. Dang it!

guilty pleasure: House

outfit: My new salmon colored long sleeve hoody made of material with "almost" holes

body part: on me? I like the arch of my foot

kitchen tip: never leave a dirty dish in the sink

life lesson: Tell the truth. Ask for help. Listen. Change - Choose who you will be.

activity: I like roller blading. biking. Christmas! Christmas Eve. watching good movies on the couch with my family. performing well. teaching well. dancing. Power Yoga! my birthday =)

food: good question. Strawberries sound so good right now with whip cream =) I usually like citrus-y stuff. Oh those crepes Mary made with the lemon sauce and raspberries. wow.

child raising tip: empathize

pet peeve: <- that phrase

game: pinnacle, great karaoke

tattoo (imagined or real): Squirt convinced me when he was very young to stop writing on myself. So - I'd only get something healthy for my skin, and then something beautiful and most likely intricate, like a henna tattoo.

element: Earth, Terra

Alright Alright =)

2008-01-27T13:31:00.000-08:00

Apology: Cousins? I'm sorry =) I've been a blogging bum.

Excuses which should not accompany an apology: I've rearranged my room so that the computer is not as tempting. It's in a cold place, away from the heater, and the light is too bright for my eyes. The chair at the computer desk is no longer soft but hard and ugly.

I think I will change this soon. ...not a lot of space to work with you know in my little attic apartment. Not a lot of man power either. But I rearrange it almost every time someone comes in to town, before they get here. Despite my recently depleted finances, I think I'll get a camera soon so I can take pictures for you all to see.

I bought a new bed set which inspired the new arrangement. Get this, 4 decorative pillow shams, 2 sets of sheets with pillow cases, 2 decorative actual pillows, bed skirt, and duvet cover for......$70 total. And it's not ugly. I like it.

Don't anyone rain on my parade by convincing me it was any less than a great deal.

Smile

2007-12-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

click here #1

click here #2

2007-11-27T19:35:00.001-08:00

What would an angel do? The devil wants to know.

2007-11-26T17:05:00.000-08:00

Click here

Read it again for the first time

2007-11-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

It had been a while but it came up in discussion and I knew that C.S. Lewis said it better than I would so I looked it up on-line and found the text. A re-read out loud of the whole chapter on pages 48 - 53 just reminded me of how much I like it, especially page 50, that whole chapter really. So when you have some time click here and have a read yourself.

On the Roof Outside My Window

2007-11-11T15:55:00.001-08:00

A Great Blue Heron =)

What's News?

2007-11-02T19:28:00.001-07:00

My best friends moved away. =(

I try and see it as a fresh start; a chance to re-invent.

I'm going to be a godmother. =)

Though it's hard to fall asleep, I have several dreams worth remembering every night.

I'm dating a fair amount.

I'm attending a new ward come Sunday.

I finally bought a large dry erase board, for goals, inspired by Josephus'

I have a gym membership which brings me great satisfaction and a venue for aggression.

I set up an EDA (Electronic Debit Account) for paying off my student loans.

There is some money in my bank account AND I have new clothes.

My car has a current registration, new wiper-blades, and two working headlights.

I finished painting my toe-nails black.

I bought plane tickets for Christmas.

I get homesick and want to go skiing.

I teach music part-time at a pre-school, and it's wonderful.

I have some new violin students.

Mark Oshida noted that I am "so on top of things."

Halloween =)

2007-10-31T15:46:00.000-07:00

The ditch that we built, shoveled out scoop by scoop, hard labor brought a love so deep, so deep I thought, so deep it feels, this ditch, is filling with mud, I hope. Rain, rain keep the desert away, because this dryness hurts, makes it hard to breathe. I'm wheezing and it's Halloween, so trick or treat I ask; I wonder which this was.

2007-10-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

YAY! FINALLY ONLINE IN MY OWN HOME =)

Just an Old Space Filler for Now

2007-10-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

Trust me I'm fine

On the edge of going crazy, I teeter,
Knowing I will not fall.
I decided that long ago.
But sometimes I want to.

I look over the edge, and lean.
The wind may be blowing but I don't need it to.
My toes are on the edge curling over,
And the arches of my feet are strained.

But I'll climb back in
Or let someone carry me.
There is light inside,
And the warmth of the sun is magnified by those rather large windows.

This is where I've gone.

2007-05-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

Alaska. I'm currently staying in a cabin just outside the Denali National Park. The sun is coming in through the open door and I can look out and see the land and the sky. It fills me up. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes when I stop for a moment and consider the grandeur of it all, the beauty I'm enveloped in.

Public Sexuality - How many are infected?

2007-04-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

Emily is wondering if the great degree to which pop culture media is influencing so many people's sexuality will necesitate her to aquaint herself with pop culture videos to understand or "satisfy" her husband's sexuality. This makes her angry, as though someone stole something which was hers. She doesn't want to be asked to be someone which is not her. She doesn't want to remind him (or herself) of anyone else! Ahh! grrr.... Is there anything in this world which necesitates genuiness as much as "true love"? What do I know personally about sex? Nothing. It is nothing. Without another person, it does not completely exist. And I don't want to try and make it exist for me without someone else. It seems to me that only leads to failure, lonliness and depression. What satisfaction is there in owning something which is empty? empty empty empty. And the excitement one may follow from empty sexuality will rob us of true love. Don't take that away. Please no, not that.

2007-04-18T11:48:00.000-07:00

HOPE

An Temporary Old Post Space Filler for Now

2007-04-07T17:18:00.000-07:00

Trust me, I'm fine.

On the edge of going crazy, I teeter,
Knowing I will not fall.
I decided that long ago.
But sometimes I want to.

I look over the edge, and lean.
The wind may be blowing but I don't need it to.
My toes are on the edge curling over,
And the arches of my feet are strained.

But I'll climb back in
Or let someone carry me.
There is light inside,
And the warmth of the sun is magnified by those rather large windows.

2007-04-06T15:03:00.001-07:00

I just want someone to look back at me, and mean it.

Cherry Blossoms!

2007-03-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

Oh how can one be inside when it's sooo beautiful outside. Cherry blossom season in the baltimore/dc area is finally hear and I am beaming.

What I have been thinking about ... generally

2007-03-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

country music love songs
how I want that
the couple on Jerry McGuire
Rita's great body
my great body
being lonely
how to cope
feeling longing
what for
meeting new people
figuring out what I want
women and the priesthood
how i'll raise my daughters
when i'll raise my daughters
how much longer i'll be single
what that means for planning my future
trying not to cry
or think to much
posting
not getting any comments
how my back hurts
what I should say
whether i should go
whether I should tip the family at Baskin Robbins
pink shirts and green shirts
general conference
classical dance music
work
where to live
how to live
people
time
family
friends
homesick
jenny
scripture study
john
broader understanding
boys talking about pornography at the hotel
a boy who's only kissed 3 girls
how refreshing that is
how I never have time
when people call
what i should tell
what I shouldn't
how to help
how i can't
what memories to keep
how to keep them
why people call me, or don't
how I should respond
all the anger
i really want to do well on my recital
i like teaching
i'm tired
i want more time next year
the rose buds! there are 5 =)

2007-03-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

"It's all so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms."

YES!!!

2007-03-21T15:18:00.003-07:00

MUSIC and a WORKOUT

I rediscover every
time how well this
cures what ails me.

yessss.

Before and After

2007-03-21T12:26:00.000-07:00

Hazel and Chloe at Disneyland!!!

Chloe tells mom: "I just can't play anymore!"

(To see post in full - visit Supermom's blog in Other Brilliants)

The Ice Cream is Talking!

2007-03-21T11:55:00.000-07:00

I'm no good.

Why couldn't I be any good?

I thought I would be.

I thought that I could help.

I asked.

Not for good.

Honesty People Please

2007-03-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

Guy calls about a gig. I say, I need 24 hours to guarantee players. One of the players I got, Jess, said "oh yeah, that guy called me too" Get four players. 24.5 hours after first conversation, I call guy. Guy says, I was going to call you. Gig's off, family member got ill. I express condolences, twice. Guy asks if I'll be around later this Spring or Summer if they decide to reschedule. I email the players to tell them the gig is cancelled. Jess emails me and the other players, gig is not cancelled according to Jess. Seriously, guy, just be honest, it is more polite not less. Because Peabody is a small school and we are the same group I'll see you on Saturday, and I just told all your players your party was cancelled.

IT IS TIME

2007-03-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

2007-02-18T12:18:00.001-08:00

shh

2007-01-27T21:24:00.001-08:00

I need more. I must go get it.

I have been bold.

I

2007-01-26T18:16:00.000-08:00

would be happy just to hold the hands I love

Inspiration

2007-01-25T20:51:00.000-08:00

Oh how I LOVE my family!!!!!!!!

I cried today

2007-01-25T20:23:00.000-08:00

because I'm told that some will not escape this temptation, this destructive devise designed to ensnare, capture, and kill those things which I most love in the world. Oh my brothers and sisters, were I a god, I think I'd create a plan, I'd find a way, I'd look for you, I'd do whatever I could, and whatever I could, I suppose would be a lot. So maybe that's just what I'll try and do. But I cried today.

worry

2007-01-25T13:19:00.000-08:00

I could bear this better if I knew it took pain and hurt and damage and hopelessness away from you.

2007-01-23T07:35:00.000-08:00

Hunger hurts, but starvation works when it costs too much. . . it's not enough. I need a drink. Quiet on the desert, I dig up the critters, just to say hello.

Hello?

I want

2007-01-18T10:31:00.000-08:00

to sink into the hand of the sand and feel the sun kissing my skin while the water whispers "shh, shh"

John16:33

2007-01-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

D&C Section 1

2007-01-10T07:22:00.000-08:00

17 Wherefore, I the Lord, ^aknowing the calamity which should come upon the ^binhabitants of the earth, ^ccalled upon my ^dservant Joseph Smith, Jun., and ^espake unto him from heaven, and gave him ^fcommandments;

18 And also gave commandments to others, that they should proclaim these things unto the world; and all this that it might be fulfilled, which was written by the prophets—

19 The ^aweak things of the world shall come forth and break down the mighty and strong ones, that man ^bshould not counsel his fellow man, neither ^ctrust in the arm of flesh—

20 But that every man might ^aspeak in the name of God the Lord, even the Savior of the world;

21 That faith also might increase in the earth;

22 That mine everlasting ^acovenant might be established;

23 That the ^afulness of my ^bgospel might be ^cproclaimed by the ^dweak and the simple unto the ends of the world, and before ^ekings and ^frulers.

A New Understanding of An Old Cheesy? Song

2007-01-06T10:39:00.000-08:00

Remember this? haha, I used to have trouble interpreting it. But we pulled it out last night. And I heard it =)

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned

But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

Chorus:
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly hiher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire

I wonder whether it's motivated more good or bad decisions in people's lives. Just wonder.

Be wise Oh be wise, my children

2007-01-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

Jacob 6: 12
12 O be ^awise; what can I say more?
Rom. 1: 22
22 Professing themselves to be ^awise, they became fools
Prov. 8: 33
33 Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not
Prov. 3: 7
7 ¶ Be not ^awise in thine own eyes: ^bfear the LORD, and depart from evil.
Ps. 2: 10
10 Be wise now therefore, O ye kings: be instructed, ye judges of the earth.
Morm. 9: 28, 31
28 Be ^awise in the days of your ^bprobation; strip yourselves of all uncleanness; ask not, that ye may consume it on your ^clusts, but ask with a firmness unshaken, that ye will yield to no temptation, but that ye will serve the true and ^dliving God.
19 Hear thou, my son, and be wise, and guide thine heart in the way.

Ether 2:25

2007-01-05T10:08:00.000-08:00

And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?

Isnt he hot?

2007-01-04T16:52:00.000-08:00

Oh, How

2007-01-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

I love Tulips

An Old and Common Experience

2007-01-03T12:20:00.000-08:00

To lose a thing, is to find out how much it meant to you.

Richard G. Scott

2007-01-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

There is no way of learning more effectively than to serve others.

On A Relationship

2007-01-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

We are told to be like Christ. I take this as a commandment of acquiring and dismissing traits; to acquire those which are Christlike, and dismiss those which aren't. Certainly my role is different from His. However, I think it is best to expand the similarities rather than diminish them. So, despite the obvious difference, maybe this thought should not be totally dismissed. If Christ's relationship to the church is that of a groom to his bride, what ought my relationship to the church be?

Some Excerpts

2007-01-01T09:10:00.000-08:00

Say Yes to Mess - New York Times

"Order can be profane and life diminishing. It's a flippant remark, but if you've never had a messy kitchen, you've probably never had a home-cooked meal."

January is now Get Organized Month. ... But contrarian voices can be heard in the wilderness. An anti-anticlutter movement is afoot, one that says yes to mess and urges you to embrace your disorder. Studies are piling up that show that messy desks are the vivid signatures of people with creative, limber minds (who reap highter salaries than those with neat "office landscapes" ) and that messy closet owners are probably better parents and nicer and cooler than their tidier counterparts. It's a movement that confirms what you have known, deep down, all along: really neat people are not avatars of the good life; they are humorless and inflexible prigs, and have way too much time on their hands.

His favorite example? His 15-yr-old daughter Talia's bedroom, a picture of utter disorder -- and individuality, he said. "One day I'm standing in front of the door," he said, "and it's out of control and my wife, Dana, is freaking out, and suddenly I see in all the piles the dress she wore to her first dance and an earring she wore to her bat mitzvah. She's so trusting her journal is wide open on the floor, and there are photobooth pictures of her friends strewn everywhere. I said, "O my, her cup overflows!" And we started to laugh.

David H Freeman, co-author of "A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder" suggested that the main thing most people's closets are brimming with is unused organizing equipment. As a corollary, the book's authors examine the high cost of neatness -- measured in shame, mostly, and family fights, as well as wasted dollars. They wonder: Why is it better to pack more activities into one day? By whose standards are procrastinators less effective than their well-scheduled peers?

It was the overall scumminess of Alexander Fleming's laboratory that led to his discovery of penicillin, from a moldy bloom in a petri dish he had forgotten on his desk.

Mess tells a story" you can learn a lot about people from their detritus, whereas neat -- well, neat is a closed book. Neat has no narrative and no personality. Mess is also natural, and a real time-saver. Indeed, the most valuable dividend of living with mess may be time.dfs

"When I think about this urge to organize, it reminds me of how it was when Americans began to take more and more control of their weight: they got fatter,"

"Superficial is the new intimate," Ms. Salzman said, gaining steam, "and these boxes, these organizing supplies, are the containers for all our superficial selves. "I will be a neater mom, a hipper mom, a mom that gets more done." Do I sound cynical?"

Nah.

In the semiotics of mess, desks may be the richest texts. Messy-desk research borrows from cognitive ergonomics, a field of study dealing with how a work environment supports productivity. Consider that desks, our work landscapes, are stand-ins for our brains, and so the piles we array on them are "cognitive artifacts," or data cues, of our thoughts as we work To a professional organizer brandishing colored files and stackable trays, cluttered horizontal surfaces are a horror; to cognitive psychologists like Jay Brand, who works in the Ideation Group of Haworth Inc., the huge office furniture company, their peaks and valleys glow with intellectual intent and showcase a minde whirring away: sorting, linking, producing. (By extension, a clean desk can be seen as a dormant area, an indication that no thought or work is being undertaken.) His studies and others, like a survey conducted last year by Ajilon Professional Staffing, in Saddle Brook, N. J., which linked messy desks to higher salaries ( and neat ones to salaries under $35,000), answer Einstein's oft-quoted remark, "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then is an empty desk?"

Real life is messy. Cherish your mess management strategies. "Most people don't realize their own efficiency or effictiveness,"he said with a grin. It's also nice to remember, as Mr. Freedman pointed out, that almost anything looks pretty neat if it's shuffled into a pile

A Wish for White

2007-01-01T08:34:00.000-08:00

pure, clean, holy, perfect

Dustin

2006-12-20T09:51:00.000-08:00

Dustin Marsh BrockBank 1983 ~ 2006 Dustin Marsh BrockBank (Roko / Dust / D-Man / Dusty Flakes / Dustin Heimer) was born May 12th, 1983 and died December 17th 2006. Born in St Marks Hospital, Salt Lake City. Lived in many homes in Salt Lake Valley, Texas, and California, most currently in Sandy. Loved his Singles Ward and his Institute friends. Served in the Toullouse France Mission. Graduated Alta High School where he was known as "That Crazy Drummer"! Played with the Percussion Ensemble, Stinkin Garbage, Pep Band, Symphonic Band and his band Spirit. He was honored at his graduation for loving and caring for the students at his school who had special needs and for making it the Cool Thing to sit at their lunch table and help them eat. Dustin was his mom's drummer in their band-Contagious! He was the best there'll ever be! At home, he was constantly on the piano, keys, guitar or blowin' the house down with his drum-soloing double bass storms. It has been sung "Only the good die young"- well, Dustin was soooo good, kind, sweet and gentle! The gentlest of giants! A 10,000 year old soul crammed into a 23 year old body. He was our Sun and our Moon! He knew and loved his Savior and worshipped Him with everything he had in him. He wanted so much to be just like Christ and he was. There wasn't a person or creature on the earth that Dustin didn't have compassion for- he loved from the deepest part of his unconditional heart, whether you called him friend or not, you couldn't help but love him and be drawn to him. He was everything his dad ever wanted to be: "Tall, dark, handsome and TALENTED! Speaking of his family. . . how we will ever breathe again, we are not sure. He loved us soooo much and we knew it and we loved him even more! His love blanketed us and his hugs were the touch of a true healer! He gave so much to us. No words can tell you the infinite potential he has! His laughter was beyond contagious, it bordered on a complete takeover of anyone in his wake and we were all laughing with him until we cried. He often just "thought funny thoughts" and would burst out laughing! He mastered the art of many voices-so basically we never really knew who was coming in the door- often Donald Duck! But, sometimes it was his Renaissance "master". His hands were given the gift of music and rhythm. . . serious rhythm! His music will live forever in our home. Lyrics would flow to his mind and the music and rhythm were right there to carry the message straight to your very soul. Oh what a gift you are my son! To have known you was to adore you!!! And we did! There is war around us. . . that which we can see and that which we cannot! Dustin may have lost his battle on this earth against the destructive influences in his life. . . but he fought them hard and he fought to win, now he will fight for others from his home on high. . . if you have ears to hear, his friends. . . Listen to him, he is telling you to love yourselves. . . he has gone home to be with his beloved Savior at last! He wants you to know that he LOVES YOU! Survived by his adoring parents Ken and Debi BrockBank, dad- Dave McCulloch, sister Jazmin (Dustin) Hansen, and brothers Colton and Bradon, beloved grandparents Grama and Grampa Mac, Grampa Marsh BrockBank, Grama Carole and Don Reid, Grama and Grampa McCulloch, adored aunts and uncles, treasured cousins, wonderful friends, his beloved ward, families across the country and his precious golden retriever Hunter (hunchie). Preceded in death by his best friend Grama Neenie, cousins Angela and Katie, Uncles Ray, and Rodney, Aunt Phyllis, and Grampa Von Morley. Thanks to all of his friends who helped him and loved him so much through his fight against addiction! Funeral Services will be held Friday, December 22nd at 11 a.m. at the Crecent View 18th Ward at 2195 E. Pepperwood Drive, Sandy. A visitation will be held Thursday, December 21st from 6 to 8 p.m. at Larkin Sunset Gardens Mortuary, 1950 E. 10600 So., Sandy, and at the church one hour prior to services. In lieu of sending flowers you can make donations to the Dustin BrockBank Fund c/o Rob Durrant at 672 E. Union Square, Sandy, Utah 84070
Published in the Deseret News on 12/20/2006.

Please?

2006-11-30T19:27:00.000-08:00

A Prayer

2006-11-20T12:33:00.000-08:00

Abide with me; ’tis eventide.
The day is past and gone;
The shadows of the evening fall;
The night is coming on.
Within my heart a welcome guest,
Within my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.

Abide with me; ’tis eventide.
Thy walk today with me
Has made my heart within me burn,
As I communed with thee.
Thy earnest words have filled my soul
And kept me near thy side.

O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.

Abide with me; ’tis eventide,
And lone will be the night
If I cannot commune with thee
Nor find in thee my light.
The darkness of the world, I fear,
Would in my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.

Text: Lowrie M. Hofford

Ahhh!

2006-11-11T13:57:00.000-08:00

I feel like . . .

They're playing with Barbie's and I'm playing with trucks.

2006-11-06T08:25:00.000-08:00

She's not stressed about my recital.

2006-10-30T00:02:00.000-08:00

Never ignore a generous thought

Dear Blog,

2006-10-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

I woke up early this morning. I always try and do that, but the three days I've actually succeeded at it, have been dreadful. I fall. I loose things. I feel dizzy, now. I woke up early this morning. It was a good morning and I thought how I'd like to wake up early every day, like this, before my roommates. I washed my hair, and shaved my legs, brushed my teeth and heat up the tea kettle. While waiting for the whistle I wrote out some exercises for Mary Ellen. She said she really wanted to focus on jabs and stabs this week because she felt it was important. Also, she wanted more to do. Kettle whistles, throat soothers tea and honey in a mug. Take mug, violin, and music, I'm out the door. By 8, I was in the studio transferring bowings. I took me a half an hour. The custodian came in to empty the trash. I still hadn't played a note. Play through and go. It's time to go. I went to the registration office just after 9. Two classes, same time, sign up. Go rent video recorder, buy tapes, and off to Mary Ellen's by 9:45. Set up camera. I'm looking forward to the exercises. Teach her, I hope. We'll see. She said I was asking for a lot of trust. Mid-lesson, she mentioned the camera before playing Amazing Grace. We turned off the camera. I feel sad and frustrated on the way home, call Jared. He's asleep. He wakes up to talk to me. We tell eachother our nightmares from last night. I walk out the door with a tripod, camera, violin, and boots with a sole that's come unattached. I fall from the second step. I start to cry, mostly about the lesson. I'm in front of our neighbors door. I've never met her, she opens it to see if I'm alright. She is nice. Peel skin of knee, go to lesson, go to class, fight with all my might but still tear up when telling my teacher Laura Parker about the lesson this morning. We'll watch the video in class. She'll tell everyone to be nice as we watch it. She says they can write things down. I say, give it to me, I can take it. I'm fighting to hold it together, she says it was a hard lesson for me so be nice. The class, and she, are afraid. I explain the background. The video doesn't play. I forgot to press record. It wasn't THAT bad. Everyone is disappointed. I think I'll get some food. at Donna's. I got what I wanted there once: grain bread, mozzarella, tomato, pesto, all toasted. I haven't had it since, though I've ordered it three times. I'll try again. I watch two people having dinner, an old man and a young woman. He is impressed with her, she's got it together. I want his admiration. I crave it. Box up my food. I couldn't finish it, so I got dessert. I couldn't finish that either. Take the box, and remember leaving food by that garbage can last year. Remember offering it to someone asking for change. No one took it. No one wants my food. I carry it to the school. I left dessert on the table, Raspberry Sorbetto, to go write about my day. I'll walk past a school class of about 30 children. I'll wonder if they want lessons. Sitting at the table, watching the two people and looking at the window, I'd reflected on what I believe. I believe I can become as God is. I think of the Atonement as potential, and my gratitude increases. I do not like apathy. But what matters? Divine guidance, obedience to it, and potential.

I'll think about resting by watching a movie before class, and then I'll remember I have rehearsal in 5 min.

Jared's Birthday

2006-10-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

is today

(a comment to shipp i might as well post)

2006-08-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

I flew to Baltimore last night. I haven't practiced all summer and I have auditions on Friday, my last which is foreseeable. . . so practice practice practice. Pretend I don't exist to Baltimore just yet. And Jared? He may be moving to Brazil. In my mind I am with him every day, and to think of it makes me cry a little. Lonesome this city can be but I was lucky, blessed with new friends from an old ward to greet me. They took me home and gave me a place to stay for the night. Today I moved in to my bed. bunk, I have the top. Other than that I don't know what space I have but I'm with a family. We're trying to make one, my new roommates and I. . . And I love that

.

2006-08-01T17:41:00.000-07:00

a tear for Idyllwild

Is It True?

2006-07-18T17:53:00.003-07:00

that I can only KNOW a person to the degree which we are alike? CAN I know that which is separate from my own experience? CAN I empathize? CAN I understand? do you HEAR me? do YOU recognize?

Are we strangers?

=)

2006-07-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

Ya know? I'm happy. I have been particularly the last couple days. Life is just so full of goodness, things to be learned, and so much to be grateful for. And I found myself that way driving to Jared's house last night, just grateful over and overflowing with gratitude for the people that I love and who love me and just everything. I love that feeling and it's been a while. It's hard to force a feeling like that and I didn't, but it came, it came back. =)

Be Still

2006-07-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and wind still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hast' ning on
When we shall be forevr with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone.
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when changes and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Weather Forecasts

2006-07-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

They're everywhere! Why? Doesn't it seem like the kinda thing ya just look up if you wanna know?

"Evil Spirits"

2006-07-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered whether WE can influence THEM?

ya know . . . like missionary work.

Ha! =)

A Bike Ride

2006-07-08T13:10:00.000-07:00

still brings me solace. I feel young and free. The movement makes it quiet so I can think. I ride the same routes I did when I was 12, past my crushs' house, looking discreet. Wait a bit; come back. They've all moved now but I remember that time with love and some longing. The friend I used to ride with got pregnant at 16. Not the end of life, but a beginning. I did not go to see her often after that, didn't know what to say. The boy we'd visit, I'm sure he's now labeled a pot-head. It dims his spark, and I miss his eager personality. We were close once but I had to find out from his parents. I saw some of him later. In and out of my life are people as they ebb and flow in life's situations. Abandoned they seem when they abandon good decisions. After some; they disappear. I chased ONE, for years: I loved to be with her, we laughed alot. But she cut herself too often and ended up in home-hospital and out of middle school. I called and they said she was sick. I felt like they hid her from me. I called a year, and two years later. I didn't have the nerve to find my way to their home. I haven't seen or heard from her since. I think about the friends, the gifts they are in my life, and find myself keenly concerned by what I haven't done, the opportunities I never took, the conversations I never had, the ways I didn't help. So many friends disappear to dark places, and I didn't watch. I have seen a lot of TV shows.

It is vast

2006-06-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

When we played freely together that first time, I had only tapped the edges of her talent.

Bandits

2006-06-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

I think it's better to feel too much than feel too little

The list is only getting longer

2006-06-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

Let it be known: I don't believe in death. The term, as used here, is purely utilitary.

Last night I went to the Moench's family recital. They are friends like family and it was beautiful. They're brother and son Peter died this year. I don't like to cry but as I sat watching and listening, the tears came and I wondered, where does one find the time to grieve? Were I to take enough time for all the times, and spend the tears, I'd be all dried up inside, parched, and full of air. There are ways of grieving which would spend our lives, make us near dead ourselves. The Marriotts were there, I remember Georgia died while I was in Vienna. I remember the phone call and where I was sitting and how I cried, and called her sister. I missed the funeral and sometimes it's easy to forget it happened. Sometimes you wake up to the same death again and again. My older brother was hit by a train when I was 13. I pretended for a long time that it didn't happen. His friends Jaime and Brent were also in the car. It was easy to picture Jamie when her sister answered the phone or walked into a room. You see these families and know they have been grieving since you last saw them and here you are, reminded, and unable to offer remedy. Their familiar family faces remind you. And they re-remember too. And you are sorry. For some of us, death is written on our foreheads.

No Life?

2006-06-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

certainly not. I'm busy all the time. Nobody writes me anymore, nobody calls me, nobody plans on me, and I never post on my blog. I forgot I have an e-mail address which I used to regularly check. I remembered and checked it expecting to find the usual long list of waiting mail. Nope, just two, both junk mail. No life? no, I'm busy all the time. And now people snap at me, I'm too tired when I get home to be careful with my interactions. People find out stuff they don't wanna know, and they don't like it, and I do care. I wish I weren't tired, that I hadn't talked to either of them about things. I spend my life with kids. . . and I love them. I don't want to yell at them or frighten them, or be mean, overly invasive, not give them credit, no, just love.

Maturity

2006-06-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

I asked a bright 6-year-old boy, what does it mean to be mature?
He replied "To be nice, be good, and follow directions the first time."
What did you do today that was mature? I asked.
His response? "I was nice. ...
I warned my class that the aliens were coming."
Sensing my hesitation, he continued:
"Oh they're real. I know because they've taken me up to outer space. And that's how my grandpa died, they came to get him."

THIS I LOVE!!!!

2006-05-12T14:48:00.001-07:00

click to view

2006-05-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

why can't I play the violin?!!!!

Click to Read

2006-05-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

The Enemy Within

kinda interesting

2006-05-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

http://providentliving.org/content/display/0,11666,6574-1-3374-1,00.html

2006-05-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

I don't need

huh.

2006-05-12T12:08:00.000-07:00

Instead of using many words, perhaps I should do best simply to say: I believe firmly and steadfastly that Gustav Mahler was one of the greatest men and artists . . . To Gustav Mahler's work! Into its pure air! Here is the faith that raises us on high. Here is someone believing, in his immortal works, in an eternal soul. I do not know whether our soul is immortal, but I believe it. What I do know, though, is that men, the highest men, such as Beethoven and Mahler, will believe in an immortal soul until the power of belief has endowed humanity with one. Meanwhile, we have immortal works. And we shall know how to guard them.

-Arnold Schonberg (1912)

Tanner

2006-05-11T18:57:00.000-07:00

With the fulness of the gospel on the earth, we are again privileged to know these truths about the body. Joseph Smith taught: "We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the Celestial Kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body. The Devil has no body, and herein is his punishment" (The Words of Joseph Smith, ed. Andrew F. Ehat and Lyndon W. Cook [1980], 60).

Satan learned these same eternal truths about the body, and yet his punishment is that he does not have one. Therefore he tries to do everything he can to get us to abuse or misuse this precious gift. He has filled the world with lies and deceptions about the body. He tempts many to defile this great gift of the body through unchastity, immodesty, self-indulgence, and addictions. He seduces some to despise their bodies; others he tempts to worship their bodies. In either case, he entices the world to regard the body merely as an object. In the face of so many satanic falsehoods about the body, I want to raise my voice today in support of the sanctity of the body. I testify that the body is a gift to be treated with gratitude and respect.

What would happen if we truly treated our bodies as temples? The result would be a dramatic increase in chastity, modesty, observance of the Word of Wisdom, and a similar decrease in the problems of pornography and abuse, for we would regard the body, like the temple, as a sacred sanctuary of the Spirit. Just as no unclean thing may enter the temple, we would be vigilant to keep impurity of any sort from entering the temple of our bodies.

Live Music

2006-05-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

You think Ella Fitzgerald needed to worry about her figure? Nope. She was hhot!

perfection

2006-05-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

And I am the piece of junk which makes the room untidy

Two Topics Made One

2006-05-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

public sexuality

private Christianity

girls

2006-04-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

Look in a full length mirror and say
"That is a beautiful woman!"

2006-04-19T13:48:00.000-07:00

I miss my family.

in hope's style

2006-04-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

wondering about a friend
wish we'd parted better
sorry, but we're not the same
just want love, laughter

mmm

2006-04-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

just alone for a little while, cry, not too much, just a morsel, mmmmm, just a few, take it all, make me new, cry, cry, no, not just a little, a little more, and cry, no, drip, shh, not alone

HELP

2006-04-13T14:08:00.000-07:00

sometimes there's just nothing else to say

Thirteen?!

2006-04-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

Get a hold of this girl's "Summertime" and be amazed at old she isn't!

Renee Olmstead

A Sort of Freedom

2006-04-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

Not Lost
No one knows where I am
or what I'm doing
I 'm not tied down by time
And no one can reach me
Hope everything's alright

A Good Friend in New York

2006-04-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm in New York for the first time ever. The trees outside this Julliard lobby are full with white blossoms. Maybe I'll come here. This city is full of people, makes it lively. By far my best experience here has been Melissa. My word, I love that girl! When she opened the door to her apartment and I saw her beaming face, we grabbed each other tightly and as she put it . . . "It was like we'd been apart for two minutes, and they were far too long." Being with her I remembered myself, and felt known. Oh the thrill of an understanding friend! Surprised at the possibility, I find myself loving her even more than I remembered.

JARED'S NEW JOB

2006-04-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

MY NEW SHOES =)

(click on above link to view)

I don't care

2006-03-22T20:17:00.000-08:00

about my needs
I need nothing
and I want nothing
from you
You ask for me
and I divert
I hugged her
and she was stiff
He kissed her,
she went away
I cried
and he hid,
just won't be loved
they, them
She just won't be loved
too insecure
And I will not be loved
too ambitious for protection
of myself,
from myself,
by myself
for your sake
independent
and unloved

Spring Break

2006-03-19T14:51:00.000-08:00

I'm in Oberlin, and if you don't mind me sayin'
Hell yeah!
It's fetchin freezin as usual here but the sky is bright and big.
My last midterm is done
I'm with my sister . . . and my boyfriend
Tomorrow we'll eat out at Macaroni Grill
Life is charmed.

Jared's Comment

2006-03-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

Play is Work and Work is Play

2006-03-01T19:06:00.000-08:00

Yay!

May I?

2006-02-28T17:04:00.000-08:00

create
indulge
suspend
in misery for a while?
how indulgent
how frivolous and silly
how like a child

she wails

wrecklessly throwing away
life
time
mortality

Coach Kannen

2006-02-28T16:56:00.000-08:00

"Is everything ok?" he says.

silence

"You look a little worn down"
"That is what I am, worn down."

runaway

2006-02-12T19:21:00.000-08:00

to find a place
where love
can't but would
and will breathe
fear and
breath
and you

To Beautiful Courageous Change!

2006-01-16T12:38:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine posted this on his blog:

"Unfortunately I'm now trying to be a better person - which is a bit sad. As I try to bid farewell to character flaws I feel like I'm losing a big part of who I am."

I have so felt this way: the loss, the mourning. But I've since come to think that our characteristics stay; that it is how we choose to manifest them that changes. That philosophy be right or wrong, I'll make the choices round here! Better to smooth and shape my edges now, than let time have it's way with them. . . coming with all it's monstrosity when I least expect it. . .

Curse time

So Much Goodness

2006-01-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

Let me live in a house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by—
The men who are good and the men who are bad,
As good and as bad as I.

I would not sit in the scorner's seat,
Or hurl the cynic's ban;—
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

(Sam Walter Foss, “The House by the Side of the Road,” in James Dalton Morrison, ed., Masterpieces of Religious Verse [1948], 422)

I don't usually do this, but, I highly reccommend reading this talk in it's entirity here